anathemad: (Me - Happy nursing)
Let clarify a few misconceptions here:

1. co-sleeping is NOT a new invention. Separate beds and bedrooms are.
2. co-sleeping DOES NOT cause SIDS. SIDS are deaths of unknown origins - deaths due to poor co-sleeping such smothering with pillows or blankets or drunk/medicated idiots rolling over on their kids ARE NOT SIDS*
3. The studies that "prove" that cribs are safer than co-sleeping are paid for by crib manufacturers and uses questionable data (See http://www.attachmentparenting.org/cosleepcritique.shtml for more info)
4. I do not know even ONE parent that co-slept that did not spend time bonding with their kids during the day. Co-sleeping/room-sharing is usually done so that parenting can continue even at night - not using sleep as an excuse to abandon the kids, regardless of their needs because of what a clock says.

Most importantly, if I had not co-slept with my son he may not have been alive today. He would stop breathing and I would startle him to start him again. Back then everyone, doctors included, thought I was crazy, because they did not find an immediate cause, so I must have been imagining it. 5 years later I have proof that he has STILL apnea with no clear cut cause. But if he had died in a crib back then? He would have been just another SIDS case. (I am not just making this up - this is per his ENT and backed up by his Neurologist). (Of note I ended up getting an Angel Care Monitor, for when he was in his crib).

Co-sleeping is NOT for every family. And my kids were not always in bed with me anyway. They always also had their own places to sleep (crib or bed), as well as a bassinet next to my bed, for times when being with me was not the best idea, for whatever reason.

If anyone is interested in co-sleeping it should be done safely, just like anything else. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/cosleepindex.shtml is a great source of information.

/soap box

*ETA: This may have been phrased badly. I do not mean to imply that all cases where parents roll over on their children were drunk or medicated. However regardless of this, it is important to note that even in cases where the parents were not impared that the deaths were not SIDS. If a cause is known it is not SIDS. Per the American SIDS Institute the definition of SIDS is: SIDS is the sudden death of an infant under one year of age which remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation, including performance of a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene, and review of the clinical history. (Willinger et al, 1991). Also of note I don't wish to imply that that the death of an infant is any less horrible based on cause.
anathemad: (Me - Happy nursing)
Let clarify a few misconceptions here:

1. co-sleeping is NOT a new invention. Separate beds and bedrooms are.
2. co-sleeping DOES NOT cause SIDS. SIDS are deaths of unknown origins - deaths due to poor co-sleeping such smothering with pillows or blankets or drunk/medicated idiots rolling over on their kids ARE NOT SIDS*
3. The studies that "prove" that cribs are safer than co-sleeping are paid for by crib manufacturers and uses questionable data (See http://www.attachmentparenting.org/cosleepcritique.shtml for more info)
4. I do not know even ONE parent that co-slept that did not spend time bonding with their kids during the day. Co-sleeping/room-sharing is usually done so that parenting can continue even at night - not using sleep as an excuse to abandon the kids, regardless of their needs because of what a clock says.

Most importantly, if I had not co-slept with my son he may not have been alive today. He would stop breathing and I would startle him to start him again. Back then everyone, doctors included, thought I was crazy, because they did not find an immediate cause, so I must have been imagining it. 5 years later I have proof that he has STILL apnea with no clear cut cause. But if he had died in a crib back then? He would have been just another SIDS case. (I am not just making this up - this is per his ENT and backed up by his Neurologist). (Of note I ended up getting an Angel Care Monitor, for when he was in his crib).

Co-sleeping is NOT for every family. And my kids were not always in bed with me anyway. They always also had their own places to sleep (crib or bed), as well as a bassinet next to my bed, for times when being with me was not the best idea, for whatever reason.

If anyone is interested in co-sleeping it should be done safely, just like anything else. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/cosleepindex.shtml is a great source of information.

/soap box

*ETA: This may have been phrased badly. I do not mean to imply that all cases where parents roll over on their children were drunk or medicated. However regardless of this, it is important to note that even in cases where the parents were not impared that the deaths were not SIDS. If a cause is known it is not SIDS. Per the American SIDS Institute the definition of SIDS is: SIDS is the sudden death of an infant under one year of age which remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation, including performance of a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene, and review of the clinical history. (Willinger et al, 1991). Also of note I don't wish to imply that that the death of an infant is any less horrible based on cause.
anathemad: (I has a money.  What I do wit it?)
When we started looking to buy a house five or six years ago we went and got pre-approved for a mortgage first. We had the same two options most home buyers have - a fixed rate mortage or an adjustable rate mortgage. At the time mortgage rates were low, and ARM rates were insanely low. But we read the information about the ARMs how they are adjustable, and therefore can, and almost always do GO UP. This was not information that I had to research and squirrel out. This was straightforward told to us. The adjustment period on many of these loans made me very worried that we would be very in over our heads before we were ready to sell the house, especially if the housing market slowed down at all. Seeing as how it seemed just plain dumb to set ourselves up for financial failure we went the route of a fixed rate mortgage.

Now I am not telling you this to show how smart we are. No, rather it seemed to be a complete non-option if we did not want to risk losing our home. Which is exactly what is happening now to many other people.

Some people lied on their mortgage applications - the lenders should have fact checked, rather than encouraging it, and is serves them both right.

But really most people took out loans that they could only afford in the short term, from Banks that well and good could have cared less, figuring that the housing market would be strong enough that even if these people had to sell their homes, they would still get paid. But that is not what happened. The housing market stalled, and even slid back a bit. So now, when they ARMs are going up and these people can not afford to pay their mortgage anymore they try to sell their house. But they can't sell it for enough money to be able to a)pay off their mortgage and b)afford to buy another place. Which is bringing about foreclosures in amazing numbers.

Now the screams are going up for these people to be bailed out. To freeze their mortgage rates at the lower rates, and in some of the plans do so with federal money. Look, I don't really want anyone to lose their home, but is seems downright WRONG that people who made stupid choices will get rewarded for it with a lower interest rate, leaving those of us who have be paying, on time, every month, having made the choice to buy a house we could actually afford, paying higher interest for making the right choice up front.

Other plans are to allow the FHA to guarantee refinance loans for people who would not otherwise qualify because of late payments. Which at least seems to require some sort of personal responsibility, but really, even then, why did these people not refinance on their own before their adjustment period was over and their credit was still good enough to be able to get a loan without federal assistance.

People do not HAVE to buy houses. Yes, they need a place to live, but renting is another choice as well, one which I myself made for years, what with not being able to afford a house. People lose their houses all the time for a variety of reasons, many of which I would be much more likely to want to see them bailed out for than making stupid choices and expecting someone to fix it for them. Can we please, as humans, stop rewarding stupidity?

I am absolutely open to discussions on this. If there is something I am missing, please feel free to tell me. But really, I can't see how this* is the right thing to do.

ETA:
Links of interest...
An article on Bloomberg
becker-posner blog
My 1st Million at 33
BBC News

*this = bailing out people who made stupid financial decisions
anathemad: (I has a money.  What I do wit it?)
When we started looking to buy a house five or six years ago we went and got pre-approved for a mortgage first. We had the same two options most home buyers have - a fixed rate mortage or an adjustable rate mortgage. At the time mortgage rates were low, and ARM rates were insanely low. But we read the information about the ARMs how they are adjustable, and therefore can, and almost always do GO UP. This was not information that I had to research and squirrel out. This was straightforward told to us. The adjustment period on many of these loans made me very worried that we would be very in over our heads before we were ready to sell the house, especially if the housing market slowed down at all. Seeing as how it seemed just plain dumb to set ourselves up for financial failure we went the route of a fixed rate mortgage.

Now I am not telling you this to show how smart we are. No, rather it seemed to be a complete non-option if we did not want to risk losing our home. Which is exactly what is happening now to many other people.

Some people lied on their mortgage applications - the lenders should have fact checked, rather than encouraging it, and is serves them both right.

But really most people took out loans that they could only afford in the short term, from Banks that well and good could have cared less, figuring that the housing market would be strong enough that even if these people had to sell their homes, they would still get paid. But that is not what happened. The housing market stalled, and even slid back a bit. So now, when they ARMs are going up and these people can not afford to pay their mortgage anymore they try to sell their house. But they can't sell it for enough money to be able to a)pay off their mortgage and b)afford to buy another place. Which is bringing about foreclosures in amazing numbers.

Now the screams are going up for these people to be bailed out. To freeze their mortgage rates at the lower rates, and in some of the plans do so with federal money. Look, I don't really want anyone to lose their home, but is seems downright WRONG that people who made stupid choices will get rewarded for it with a lower interest rate, leaving those of us who have be paying, on time, every month, having made the choice to buy a house we could actually afford, paying higher interest for making the right choice up front.

Other plans are to allow the FHA to guarantee refinance loans for people who would not otherwise qualify because of late payments. Which at least seems to require some sort of personal responsibility, but really, even then, why did these people not refinance on their own before their adjustment period was over and their credit was still good enough to be able to get a loan without federal assistance.

People do not HAVE to buy houses. Yes, they need a place to live, but renting is another choice as well, one which I myself made for years, what with not being able to afford a house. People lose their houses all the time for a variety of reasons, many of which I would be much more likely to want to see them bailed out for than making stupid choices and expecting someone to fix it for them. Can we please, as humans, stop rewarding stupidity?

I am absolutely open to discussions on this. If there is something I am missing, please feel free to tell me. But really, I can't see how this* is the right thing to do.

ETA:
Links of interest...
An article on Bloomberg
becker-posner blog
My 1st Million at 33
BBC News

*this = bailing out people who made stupid financial decisions
anathemad: (cult)
A very long (somewhat disjointed) rant about parenting cut for friends page goodness.
Read more... )
I feel much better now.
anathemad: (cult)
A very long (somewhat disjointed) rant about parenting cut for friends page goodness.
Read more... )
I feel much better now.

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